As Mason’s arrival got closer, I was getting so excited to meet him. I had my hospital bag packed and checked it many times. I looked up many different checklists to see what I would need and make sure I had everything. However, I was still missing a few essential things. Since I had gestational diabetes, I was worried my son would be on the bigger side and I didn’t have newborn clothes. I had to call my mom and ask her to bring us some. I also didn’t have nursing bras and that was the biggest mistake. I had planned on breastfeeding my son when he was born, but I’ve also heard of women who aren’t able to breastfeed because their milk doesn’t come in or the baby has problems latching and it’s a big struggle. I wanted to wait to try it and see how it went without forcing it. I wanted to be flexible and not get my hopes up if something didn’t work out. Still I’ll never forget how unprepared I was for the breastfeeding journey. Mason latched and did great, but I didn’t buy one single nursing bra or any nursing pads. We were in the hospital for a few days and by the time we got to home I was so engorged, in so much pain, and soaking through my shirt. I started balling and told my husband we had to go the store. We went to Target with the baby so I could get nursing stuff and I felt so upset for not having those things before he arrived.
It didn’t matter how prepared I thought I was because, once he was here, I felt like there was so much people don’t tell you about. Maybe it’s because they haven’t experienced it themselves or maybe it’s because they don’t want to admit they felt a certain way and thought certain things. As soon as I first saw and held my baby boy there was an instant love like nothing I’ve ever felt before. This baby was mine, I just met him and I already love him so much, and I need to do everything to protect him.
Before Mason was born, I was working two jobs and I loved them both. I always thought I wanted to be a working mom until late into my pregnancy and more so when he was born. I worked at daycare and got an employee discount for my baby, but something never felt completely right about having him in daycare and working so much, barely ever seeing him. I was on maternity leave when he was born and this is when I experienced something that no one told me about, the baby blues. I was happy to have this beautiful little baby and call him mine, but every night like clockwork something would hit me. I would just start crying out of nowhere and I couldn’t stop. There was something about night time that made the baby blues worse for me. I think it was knowing that another day had passed, he’s getting bigger, and I’m getting closer to going back to work. I had so many fears about going back to work. Luckily I have an amazing family and we were able to make something work so that I can stay home and take care of my baby. I did miss my kids at daycare and I was able to go back and work during the summer while my husband had the summer off from school. It was a good way to see my kids and coworkers again, know my baby was with family so I wasn’t worried, and have a nice goodbye with everyone. I quit at the end of summer when my husband had to go back to work and it was a hard day leaving my kids (I still have the card they made me), but now I get to take care of my baby and watch him grow and learn while also helping my mom with taking care of my little brother who’s in elementary school. I’m so blessed that things have worked out this way. I know not everyone that wants to be home with their babies can and then there’s other moms that want to work, but their babies need them for whatever reason. Just know that everyones story is different and you’re the best mom for baby, whether that means you work at home, leave your baby in daycare to work, stay at home, or you have family watch your baby. Do what you have to do and what is best for you and your family. If you or anyone know is going through postpartum (whether you know they are going through baby blues or not) check on all your mom friends. It’s good to have someone to talk to and not feel so isolated from the adult world.
